Food, Glorious Food
by BlameItOnTheUnicorns
Summary: Romano has had enough of that Spaniard who is spreading around lies about their non-existing relationship and decides to have his revenge. By forcing that certain Spaniard to eat terrible food. -One sided Spamano, GEN, Warning for forcing people to eat things. Humor.


**Food, Glorious Food by Biotu**

**Pairing:** gen, one-sided Spamano  
**Raiting: **K+ for food torture  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Warning(s): **Making people eat things they don't want to, restricting others  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hetalia. End of story

* * *

"Auch, Lovi~! Don't tie the knots that hard! It hurts!"

"Stop squirming around tomato-bastard or I won't stop with just tying you to a chair! And don't call me Lovi! It's Romano to you, bastard" The younger nation was seriously pissed off right now. Romano took a step back to take a look at his work.

"Please Lovi, open the knots!" the Spaniard tried to loosen the rope that was binding his hands together behind his back by moving his hands but to no avail. The Italian nation really did know how to tie those _knots _.Why did he even teach Lovi those in the first place? Oh right, that had been Francis' doing.

"No, besides it's entirely your own fault that you're all tied up. If you knew when to keep your mouth shut, this would never have happened. Why do you insist telling everyone that we are a pair! I hate you!" Spain shut up when he noted a sudden change in his little Lovi's mood. Now, Southern Italy was wearing a smug smile on his lips. The smile was the last thing he saw, because the next thing that happened was that his eyes were covered by some dark fabric.

Yes, if the tomato-bastard had not told those lies about their relationship –which was nonexistent- this would not have happened. Now, it was time for revenge! Romano had made a brilliant plan that could not go wrong.

Phase number 1: _Tie the tomato-bastard so that he can't move: _**Checked**

Phase number 2: _Make the tomato-bastard eat awful, stinky so-called food_

Phase number 3: _Enjoy looking at Spain's humiliated face _

Romano left the kitchen they were in to get his bag from the living room and then begun piling some plastic-boxes on the kitchen table. Phase number one had been easy, but getting the equipment to number two had been a bit difficult. But England was not as smart as Romano, oh no. By simply putting America in the same room, the Brit had become too occupied with picking a quarrel with his former colony. So eventually, all Romano had to do in the end was to sneak the scones from the conference table.

Then there was the potato-bastards awful potato-stuff-mash and something that was supposed to be like _salsiccia_. Where he had gotten those horrible things was a secret. One could say that it was of big help to be a leader of a mafia, something that Japan probably would agree with. Japan had also unknowingly contributed to the torture; he had sent something called sushi earlier the same day. _The thought of eating raw fish was nauseating, why did Japan seem think that he liked it?_

As the last gastronomic failure in the coming food-torture was the fatty-greasy-thingy that the American called hamburgers and fries. Now, the fun could begin! (or at least, for Romano)

The Italian, after randomly settling for the green box, came forward with the opened box in his hand and a fork in the other. This was not going to be pretty, so Spain could count himself lucky for not being able to see it (or not).

"Not so high and mighty now, are we? Whatever happened to the invincible _conquistador? _Yes, now I remember! He was beaten by Captain Eyebrows, right?" Romano said mockingly. It was always fun to remind the older nation of its former glory" Here, have some of his scones, they're nice and _burnt_" Before Spain had a chance for a verbal counterattack, the British pastry was shoveled in his open mouth. Spain felt his mouth dry out and he almost choked on the piece of food. He started to spit out the bits and coughed to get it all out.

"Never do that again, Lovi! That's not nice mi tomatito" The Spaniard's voice was rough; the words that came out were mere whispers since his mouth was still dry.

"Don't call me that bastard! This is just the beginning for you! Now you also ruined my clothes, you are the one who's doing the clean-up later…" Romano turned once again to the table and picked up a yellow box. "Look, or should I say hear? Here's some of the potato-bastards stuff. Thrilled, no?

Romano took a big chunk of the slightly yellow mash and pressed the food in Spain's open mouth. Feeling the sliminess of day's old cold mashed potatoes, the older nation struggled to swallow the mash, and then to keep it down. Romano looked disappointed when he saw that his former father-figure succeeded in the task. Maybe there still was some spirit left in the old nation after all. Still, the Spaniard's face was wringed in a disgusted expression, so at least there was some pain involved.

"Not so bad now, was it?"

"Please Romano, if you continue this I might not be able to stand for my reactions. The passionate Spanish blood might take over and then you'll really see what a real _conquistador _is!" Spain said mockingly.

"You can't do anything while bound to that chair, macho tomato!" at that comment, Spain only tsk'd, although it was not really that convincing since he still was tied up and blindfolded. _This is getting really annoying… I hope he realizes that I'm the boss now!_

Next, the Italian torturer picked up some bits of _würst _with the fork that he had changed to after he had put away the spoon he had used to shovel the potato-mash. Reading Spain's facial reaction, the _würst_ seemed to cause a reaction almost to none after witnessing the wriggling caused by the other dishes.

"**That** wasn't bad, mi amor, but can we please stop? I have other things to tend to…" Spain should not have kept using that tone! The rage that had been inside Romano only moments before, showed up again.

"Shut up you fucking bastard! If I say so we continue this all day!"

To shut the other nation of, Romano had picked up something from another box on the nearby table. It just happened to be the raw fish that was wrapped in seaweed and rice. This time, much to Romano's amusement, the Spaniard had serious problems to not throw up.

"You like it? The sushi-bastard made it just for you" _Well, it was originally for me but that's beside the point._ The smug smile was back up on Southern Italy's lips. Letting Spain recover, Southern Italy turned his attention to the last package.

Unlike the other so-called "foods", this stuff was in a paper bag. Romano began unwrapping the hamburger, enjoying how Spain became tenser at the sound of paper.

"You know, I never really get how America can love this stuff"

"Stuff, what st-" Spain wasn't able to finish before the hamburger was trotted in his mouth.

"You're lucky, you know? Do you have any idea of what I could have done instead of this kind treatment? Don't think so, so shut up and finish your burger!"

After finishing up (spitting on the floor might be a better description), Romano loosened the knots, and exited the room before Spain could be wholly free from the ropes. _Better safe than sorry, although I already have confiscated the old battle axe and sent it to Tino._

* * *

**A/N: This is something I discovered on an old USB stick. I wrote it originally in 2010 and after re-discovering it I thought that it was good enough to share with you :)**


End file.
